Absent from the Body, Present with the Lord

By Max & Tracy Milsap

I don’t believe in luck or coincidence, but I do believe that God will give you peace in the midst of your storm and give you comfort when you least expect it.  Philippians 4:13

I never had the opportunity to meet my mother in law, Connie Milsap.  She passed away several months before I met my husband, Max.  Having no brothers or sisters and his dad living in another state, Max and his mom were extremely close.   When she passed away suddenly, it was really difficult for Max.  I often asked him and his family about Connie, just to find out more about her.  Max had this large picture of his mom in his living room and when he wasn’t there, I would talk to the picture and tell Connie how much I loved her son and how much I wanted to marry him.  I even told her how much I wanted to give her a grandbaby or two. 

Max and I did eventually get married in Seattle , Washington , which is my home town and where most of my family lives.  Max has family in Wisconsin and California .  Even though they are family, they couldn’t take the place of Max’s mom. But even though she was gone, I could almost feel Connie’s spiritual presence. 

Because of my many health challenges, the doctors didn’t think it would be a good idea for me to have children.  I tried anyway.  I had two miscarriages and then when I became pregnant the third time, I did everything I could to carry the child to term.  After twenty-eight weeks, our son, Xavier Deon Milsap, was born.  He only weighed one pound, six ounces.  He was so small that you could easily hold him in one hand.  However, we never had the chance to hold him when he was first born like most parents. The doctors and nurses rushed him off to the neonatal unit.  Xavier was his mama’s Pooh Bear! 

The pregnancy took a toll on my health and I had to stay in the hospital an additional month after Xavier was born.  It was difficult because he was on one floor and I on another.  I occasionally got to go see him, but I was so weak.  When I was strong enough to go and see him, I wasn’t able to hold him.  I had been in the hospital dozens of times, but when it came time to go home on this stay, I didn’t want to leave.  I wanted to be there where my son was.  I didn’t want to leave without him.  After I was discharged, I went to see him practically every day.  I would love it when the nurses would say, “Here comes Xavier’s mom!”  During each visit, they would give me reports and let me know about his progress.  I would often sing to him and talk to him. 

One time, I came in and my mother was with Xavier. I asked her what she was doing.  She said that she was rubbing lotion on Xavier’s forehead.  As I looked closer, I saw that she was actually rubbing diaper rash ointment on his forehead.  I said, “Mom!  I don’t think that is where that goes!”  But Xavier didn’t seem to mind. He was just smiling.  I was just glad he was having a good day.  He had been through so much, especially the first week he was born.  The doctor had to do surgery on his intestines and later on, surgery on his heart to correct a murmur. After that, they had to put a shunt in his head to drain the fluid.  It was a lot for one little boy to endure. 

Max and I weren’t even able to hold him until he was three months old.  I remember well the day that the doctors called me and told me to get to the hospital quickly because Xavier’s kidneys were shutting down.  Obviously, they were concerned about the extra fluid that was building up around his heart. 

They allowed us to hold him one more time. We held him throughout the night.  Then, they had to shut off the ventilator. 

It’s weird to feel both happy and sad at the same time.  I was sad because I was going to miss my Pooh Bear, but I was happy that he was at peace.  No more hospitals, no more surgeries, and no more pain.  The Bible says that when we are absent from the body we are present with the Lord.  Max and I trust and believe that. 

For five months, Xavier was in the neonatal unit.  While there, we had seen several babies admitted and eventually go home.  Xavier had completed his purpose and God wanted him home with Him.  So I gave him another gift and I told him that mommy would see him again. 

As my husband and I were walking out to get on the elevator, a woman came out of nowhere and asked us to hold the elevator.  She got on with us, but initially, we didn’t pay too much attention to her.  We all rode down in the elevator together.  I was still crying and as we were about to get off the elevator, the Holy Spirit told Max to look at the lady.  When he did, he noticed her name tag which read, “Connie Milsap.”  Some people have asked me if I thought she was possibly related, but that wasn’t even important at the time.  We weren’t sure if she might have been a nurse or social worker or just some staff member, but it was that name tag that made the difference.  While she had the same first and last name as Max’s mother was no coincidence at all.  We believe that the Lord was sending us peace and comfort in our time of storm. 

From that experience, we knew that God was in control, Xavier was alright, and that he was absent from the body and present with the Lord.